Wednesday 11 July 2007

My Maternal Grandparents ( part 2 )

My maternal grandfather was a man of very few words. He was extremely dedicated to his family. Although he toiled all his life he never got out of poverty. However during all those years when I was with him I never once heard him complain about the inequality of life. He was poor but was a man with dignity and believed in hard work.

My grandfather had a market stall selling Chinese medicinal tea. At 10 cents a cup he had to sell many to support his large family. It was a constant struggle but the family got by, albeit at most times only just.

In September 1966 after my studies in Kuala Lumpur, it was time for me to leave Malaysia for the United Kingdom. My grandmother was very ill and was hospitalized in Malacca. Before I left for the UK I visited Malacca to say goodbye. I knew then that that would be to last time I would see my grandmother alive. I remember it was a very sad day for me. My grandmother told me to study hard and to return home soon. I promised her that I would complete my study in UK and return to be with her. She had managed to save 40 dollars which she gave me for my journey to UK. It must have been hard for her too. I am sure she knew that she was saying her final farewell to me. I was her eldest grandson and she had much love for me. I was her favorite. Three months after my arrival in London I received news that my dear grandmother had passed away. I will always have fond memories for my dear grandmother. She will always have a special place in my heart.

My studies ended in May 1969. One week after leaving college I got a job with Hunting Surveys as a junior surveyor. My father was not happy for me to start work in UK and insisted that I return to Malaysia. I finally relented and left UK for Malaysia in December 1969. I left UK with a heavy heart. I knew that the one person I cherished ill not be there when I got home. My grandmother was gone and I knew that Malaysia would be empty without her. However, as an obedient son I bowed to my father wish and returned to Segamat my hometown.

As I had expected Segamat was not the same without grandmother. I was restless and unhappy after a month or two. We were still living above the shop and there wasn’t much room for all of us. My siblings were all teenagers and our home was too small for all of us. Finally in March of 1970 I packed my bags and left Segamat for UK again. My poor mother was heart broken and my father was furious. It will be many years later before I visit my home again.

Returning to UK and joining Hunting Surveys again was not an easy decision for me. I had to leave my family. I knew I would miss my loved ones very much, but there was a whole world out there and I had to venture out to see as much of it as possible. I had no money to speak of, so the only way to see the world was to join Hunting Surveys.

My days with Hunting Surveys proved to a long and happy adventure which will be in my later postings.

My Maternal Grandparents ( part 1 )

Unlike my father, my mother came from a very large family. My maternal grandparents had a total of 10 children 2 of which died during infancy, leaving my mother and 7 siblings. My mother was the eldest of the children followed by 2 uncles, 2 aunts, 2 more uncles and another youngest aunt who was about 3 months older than me. Grandfather was the sole bread winner of the family. My grandmother stayed home bringing up the children and dealing with all family matters.

My mother came from an extremely poor family. With so many mouths to feed my grandfather had to work extremely hard to provide the basic necessities of day to day needs. The older of the children including my mother never had the opportunity to attend school. Schooling was considered a luxury which few could afford. Only the younger uncles and aunts were allowed to attend schools.

My grandfather was a very quiet and patient person. He was hard working and always did his best to provide for the family. His source of income was from selling Chinese medicinal tea from a little stall. Grandmother would boil the tea in 2 large urns each night and grandfather would carry them to his stall each morning. My grandfather’s stall would open each morning at around 9.00 and he would close-up at around 10.00 each night. He would charge 10 cents for each cup of medicinal tea. In those days Segamat was a very small town and I cannot imagine grandfather would sell many cups of his brew in a day. Grandfather would work every day of the week. There were no rest days for him. With so many mouths to feed he had to work extremely hard. I cannot remember grandfather having any days off work, except on Chinese New Year when it is considered inauspicious to work. Poor as he was, grandfather was always generous. I remember sneaking to his stall on some nights to ask grandfather for extra pocket money. My mother if she found out would scold me for been selfish as my grandfather needed every cent to support his family. Grandfather would always give whenever I asked.

Because the family was poor, my grandparents and all their children, except my mother, lived in a very small house on the outskirt of town. I remember the house well and to this day I can still picture vividly the layout of the house. Although the house was small, dark and congested, I remember it with fond memories. Although my maternal grandparents had very little, they were always generous with love. The happiest time of my younger days were spent at my grandparent home.

To supplement the meager income from my grandfather’s tea stall, my grandmother would keep chickens, ducks, geese and turkeys in an enclosure in front of the house. The animals would be let out to wander around the neighbourhood during the day and each night they would be coaxed back into the enclosure with food. Occasionally one of the animals would fail to turn up at night and we would all organize ourselves into search parties to locate the missing animal. It was fun.

Outside at the front of the house were some fruit trees. We claimed ownership of these as they were closest to our front door. I remember climbing these trees for the fruits. We also claimed possession of the single durian tree in the vicinity of the house. Whenever grandmother came into possession of a fruit from the durian tree she would squirrel it away and save it for me when I come to visit. I visit my grandparents’ home almost everyday after school. It was there that I found most happiness.

To be continued………

My Paternal Grandmother

I know very little about my paternal grandmother. The 2 years I was with her in China have become a very vague memory. I was only 2 when I visited her in China and 4 when I left her. It was not until much later when I was in my young teens when she joined us in Segamat. By then she had become very old and because of her bound feet she was practically immobile. I remember my intrigue to see her small distorted feet. It must have given her much discomfort when she walked.

As I have said, I knew very little about my paternal grandmother. I remember her to be grumpy and very demanding. I guess it was just her way of getting attention which she was accustomed to when she was in China where she had servants. I was in my young teen when she joined us from China. I remember I was rebellious where my grandmother was concerned. I was young and too immature to appreciate that she could not help being the way she was. Wish I had been more accommodating.

I spent only a few years living in Segamat with my grandmother. I left Segamat in 1962 when I was 17. After 3 years in Kuala Lumpur I left for the United Kingdom. A year or two after my arrival in the UK I received news of the demise of my grandmother.

My paternal grandmother lived most of her life in China. A large portion of her life must have been rather comfortable with wealth and servants to tend to her every need. The cultural revolution of China was a traumatic period for her. I remember her stories about how she was punished by the Red Army; her crime was our family wealth. It was a relief that she managed to leave China to join us in Segamat. However, Segamat was a foreign land and with strange customs and languages. To this day I am still not convinced that the quality of her life improved after leaving China for Segamat. Maybe she would have been happier if she had remained in China.

My Paternal Grandfather

Before I embark on writing about the next phase of my life, I feel that I am at an appropriate juncture where I should write about all those who have touched my life in one way or another. There were those who came into my life fleetingly and there were those who had made great impacts on the outcome of what I am today. I guess the most appropriate approach would be for me to start right at the top of the family tree, well as far up the family tree as I can possibly go.

My earliest memory of my paternal grand parents was when I was in China at the tender age of two. From very vague memory I can still picture our home in Suatow in southern China. It was a big house with a lake in front of the main entrance. The edge of the lake was lined with tall trees. I remember seeing fishermen in their boats catching fish in the lake. By the side of the house there was a lane leading into market and the town. We had courtyards in the house and there was a well from which fresh water was drawn for all household needs.

I come from a long lineage of an educated family in that part of the country. In those days only the educated few could hold official positions in the government. From stories told to me by my father, his grandfather, my great grandfather was a high official in the Chinese provincial government. My grandfather and subsequently my father had the privilege of attending school which few people could afford or allowed in those days. From what I have gathered, my great grandfather was an important person greatly respected. He was a person of wealth owning land and other properties. I was told that our family had people working for us in the rice fields. My grandfather became a teacher, which in those days was an extremely honorable and respected profession.

Life for the family must have been good. My grandmother was a lady of prestige and greatly respected. She had her feet bound as only ladies of great importance would do. We had many servants working in the house and grandmother would be the matriarch of the household.

As the first grandson of the family and the eldest of the next generation, I was indulged and pampered. My grandfather showered all his love on me and gave me the best in everything. Each morning grandfather would parade me proudly along the lane to our local market to buy fish for lunch. Those must have been proud and happy days for him. He would play with me and take me for walks in the courtyards within the house or along the lanes leading into town.

When I left China for Segamat my grandfather came with us. His love for me must have been so strong that he left his beloved country to travel with me to a foreign land. During our days in Segamat, the bond between us grew stronger and I grew to love my grandfather fondly. We continued to have our morning walks to the wet market in Segamat for our fish for lunch. I was told by many that we were famous for our daily market visits.

My grandmother remained in China with my younger brother. This younger brother was her favorite grandson and she insisted he stayed behind to keep her company. I cannot remember much about my paternal grandmother during that period of my life. She would come into my life again when she joined us in Segamat many years later. My days with my grandfather were happy ones. I remember him as a very quiet and soft spoken person. He was gentle and kind and I was happy to be with him.

A few years with me in Segamat and then it was time for grandfather to return to China. I guess I must have missed him when he left, but I cannot remember my sadness. I was told he was not feeling well and had wanted to return to his place of birth. I guess he knew that his days were coming to an end and because he was very Chinese and very traditional, I was told he had wanted to end his days in his country of birth. It must have been a very heart wrenching decision for my grandfather to leave me then, and knowing that he would never see me again.

I must have been 5 or 6 when one night I was told by my mother that my grandfather has passed away peacefully in China. I guess he had his wish to be buried in the place where he was born. I remember him as a great person who loved me and with whom I spent many happy days.

Childhood 1958 – 1962 ( part 2 )

These were the years when I was most active. I was not a very good athlete at school and neither was I good at games. Unlike my younger brothers who were very active in sports. Academically I was very average. In a class of 30 I would rank 6th or 7th. I was never as good in class or in sports as my younger brothers. All in all, I was a pretty average boy in school.

Our school was a coed school. We had almost equal number of boys as we had girls in our class. School was always fun. I had no problem with school work and always found myself quite happy to attend classes. A school day would start at 7.0 am and end at 1.30 pm with an hour break. We would congregate each morning and cycled in groups to school and the same would happen on the way home. Break time each day would be taken up by a visit to the tuck shop and then the rest of the time would be devoted to football. Football in those early years would be just kicking a tennis ball around the field. As we got older we were then allowed a proper size football.

Some time during those years, I think it was when I was around 14 years of age, my parents enrolled me to attend the local Chinese school in the afternoon. So each day after my attendance at the English school, I had to proceed to the Chinese school. Fortunately the Chinese school was next door to our home and after a quick lunch after my morning classes I would cross the road to my Chinese lessons. I think I had about 3 years of Chinese education from which I mastered the very basic Chinese text and some spoken Mandarin. Over the years, because of non-usage I have much forgotten both the Chinese text and spoken Mandarin.

By the time I was in my early teens, my father’s business was doing relatively well. We were comfortable but we continued to reside in that very small space above the shop. There were a total of 12 people living in an area of approximately 45 ft x 25 ft. none of us had a space of our own. It was all communal space and we had all to sleep on the floor on straw mats.

My most vivid memories of those days were the constant quarrels between my mother and my elder mother, my father’s first wife from China. As children we did not fully understand the reason for the conflict, neither did we know the politic that went on in the house. Looking back I am still not too certain what went on then. I vaguely remember my mother’s anguish when things did not go the way she wanted. There were also quarrels between siblings. My parents were very strict with us on that. Whenever we quarreled they would cane both parties. I can still remember the many occasions when I was beaten.

I believe the main reason for the constant bickering between my two mothers and between siblings was the confine space we were in. I do not think we had a very happy home. However, that was all we had and we had to make do. I remember my greatest desire then was to leave home as soon as I was able to. You can say I was finding that I needed a space of my own. I grew up without ever owning a space I could call my own.
Finally the day came when I finished school in Segamat and my opportunity to leave home. That day started the next chapter in my life. I was finally able to leave that house I grew up in. I had a tinge of regret but at the same time I was glad I could get away. My greatest regret was that I had to part with my maternal grandmother. I knew I would miss her, even more than I would my parents.

I was 17 then and the world was waiting. I left home and started the next phase of my life.

Chinese New Year Celebrations of Yesteryears

I am interrupting the sequence of my blog with this posting because tomorrow is the Lunar New Year. It will be the year of the Golden Pig, a very important time for the Chinese. The next such event will be in another 60 years. I will definitely not be around to see that event. I think Chinese New Year is the time of the year when the family get together to renew bonds and show respect. It is a time of goodwill, forgiveness, compassion and above all love.

As far as I can remember, Chinese New Year celebrations were the best few days in the year. There was always plenty to eat and drink. We had new clothes and plenty of “ ang pow “ money. I mother sew all our clothes in those days. Off the pegs clothes were too expensive and as there were quite a few of us, I guess it was cheaper to sew our own. It was traditional for all of us to have new clothes and shoes for the New Year celebration.

Chinese New Year celebrations usually lasted three full days. Our stores were closed for business and it was traditional to spend a great part of the day at the gambling tables. With plenty of money from our “ ang pows “ we could afford to gamble, buy our favorite snacks and practically stayed up as late as we desired. In fact we could virtually do anything. It is a Chinese tradition that one does not scold or beat a child during this festive period. I guess we as children knew about this and took liberty wherever and whenever we could.

During my younger days Chinese New Year periods were the only time when we were allowed firecrackers. We had sparklers too, but firecrackers were our favorite. Sleep was almost impossible during the three festive days. I can safely say that Chinese New Year celebrations were the happiest time of my year.

I cannot remember much about the New Year celebrations when I was very little. However, the memories of later celebrations are all good. The last of my New Year celebration at home in Segamat was in 1966. After 1966 I have never again returned home for the Chinese New Year celebration. Each year on the morning of new year’s day I would telephone home to wish mother a Happy New Year.

Will I ever return to Segamat to celebrate another Chinese New Year? I would love to do that soon. However, I paid a visit to Segamat last week to deliver an ang pow to elder mother. I do remember her on her birthdays and on Chinese New Year.

Childhood 1958-1962 ( part 1 )

These are my formative years. Having spent 6 years in primary school and having passed the entrance examinations at the end of that period, I was allowed to start my secondary school Form 1 to 5. From the time I was in Form 1 my mother had stopped bringing my food to school. I was given 20 cents as pocket money. This amount was enough to buy me a small plate of noodles and a small drink of orange squash. I remember most of my friends had much better allowances than mine. However, that was what my parents decided to give and that was what I received. There wasn’t any addition to this amount. If I wanted to watch a movie I had to save my daily pocket money until I had enough for the ticket. There were many occasions when I did not have enough money, either for the cinema or for going out with friends. My beloved grandmother would always come to the rescue. Poor as she was, she always had money for me. She would sneak me extra cash without my parents’ knowledge. My parents did not allow us to receive any extra cash from our grandparents. Another source of extra pocket money was from my maternal grandfather. Some evening I would visit my grandfather at his medicinal tea stall and ask for extra pocket money. Whenever mother found out about the supplementary pocket money from grandparents I would always get reprimanded.

When I was 14 years of age my grandfather gave me a very old rickety bicycle. It was a small bicycle and not in very good condition. By then most of my classmates were cycling to school. I was glad for the bike albeit it was old and falling apart. My memories of my first bicycle are mainly good ones except the accident I had with a car. It was then that I broke my 4 front teeth and a gashing wound on my left shin. The wound on my shin got infected so badly that I had a near miss of having my left leg amputated because of gangrene. I was lucky an English nurse at the local hospital took charge and dress the wound daily and with antibiotics we manage to save the leg. Apart from a few minor scraps and scratches I had a good time with the bike. I remember cycling with some friends all the way to Gemas, a good 18 miles away along the main trunk road to watch The Ten Commandments. I remember the beating I got when we got back.

I guess it was a normal thing to do in those days. The cane was never spared because it was believed that it was better that than having a spoilt child. There were many things that would result in a beating. The first that comes to mind was bad examination results. Report card days were very stressful indeed. Other forbidden things such as fighting in school, late for supper, fighting with siblings, truancy would also result in caning. I guess that was the way children were educated then. With all the beatings I had during my young days, I had never held any grudge toward my parents. That was the only way they knew and I like to believe they did it out of love and the desire that I should turn out well.

The family was getting larger. There were our parents with a total of five boys and a sister plus a cousin living in that tiny flat above the shop house. I cannot remember exactly when my paternal grandmother, my brother and my elder mother came from China to join us. The storeroom was made into another bedroom for my elder mother and a little enclosure was created using a curtain for my paternal grandmother. All together there were 12 of us, all living in a very small apartment. Life became very complicated. My father with 2 wives living under the same roof with children from both wives and a mother-in-law to boot. There were constant quarrels and arguments. It was a very tense situation. My mother, by nature, very domineering had the upper hand most of the time. As children we were quite ignorant on the politics that went on in the house. I can remember the quarrels between both my mothers with father siding with my mother on most occasions. There were times when it was better to stay out of the house to avoid the conflict.

On the whole it was a pretty good time growing up with my family in Segamat. I had my grand parents, parents, siblings and school friends. Life was complicated at times but looking back it was not too bad at all.